Pedestrian rage

I’ve been over this so many times. Not sure if just in my head, or if I’ve actually written about it, but it FEELS like I’ve said this A MEEEELLION TIMES. And here I go again:

A little driving lesson for those who use the four-way stop outside my work – if I am crossing, you wait AAAAAALL the way over on your side of the stop until I have completed my cross and am safely on the sidewalk. Easy peasy lemon squeezy. I cross, you wait. While I am doing the crossing, you are doing the waiting.

You are not creeeeeping across the street, slooooowly. You are not timing out your cross with mine, hoping that you make it to my side at the exact moment that I get out of your way. You are not ZOOMing in front of me, trying to get past before I get half way. No. You are waiting while I am crossing.

POP QUIZ – What are you doing while I am crossing? You are waiting. Right! See? This is SUPER easy.

Next time I’m crossing and a car even THINKS about inching forward before I am comfortably on the other side, I will stand in the crosswalk until they are close enough and I will SPARTA KICK! their front bumper. And as I saunter on, a ROUNDHOUSE to the passenger side door.

I have never gotten into an accident. I’ve never been pulled over for speeding. I’ve never even so much as gotten a parking ticket. I am not bragging, merely stating my credentials. I’m not the best driver, but I know the basics. I know enough to not get killed or kill anyone else or to get in trouble with the law, by- or otherwise. And one of the things I know is that pedestrians have the right of way, no matter WHAT, because they are pedestrians. Vulnerable and unprotected from their own stupidity and from our vehicles, especially if we don’t operate them properly. And while it may be annoying to you to have to wait while a pedestrian crosses, it may even hinder you from getting to your destination at the required time, it is the rule, nay THE LAW, that you wait over there for the pedestrian to complete their cross.

I’M CROSSING, WHAT SHOULD YOU BE DOING?

If you didn’t say “waiting”, I’m going to hunt you down and hurt your delicate bits.

The end.

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